Sleepless nights
By the time I get home from work, I am exhausted. Every night. I generally go to the gym twice a day, morning and lunchtime, so I'm physically tired. I cram myself full of obscene amounts of "clean" food all day, so I feel particularly lethargic after the last (very unwelcome) meal of the day, which I'd much rather skip. I need sleep, and plenty of it, if I intend to grow. And I'd dearly love to hit 180 by Halloween, just a week away.
I find myself falling asleep watching television, or zoning out so that what I'm watching doesn't register. When 10:30 rolls around, I'm definitely ready for bed. Even 10 o'clock sometimes, if I'm feeling luxuriously decadent.
But by 12:30, I'm up and wide awake. A zillion things start going through my mind. When am I going to start packing? What exactly should I pack, and what should I leave behind? Will I find time to put up a Christmas tree this year, or would that just be too painful? Why am I obsessed with the Viking? Should I try to get laid this weekend? Am I going to look ridiculous on Halloween? What do I have to accomplish at work tomorrow? How am I going to manage my finances? Is the whole steroid thing as stupid as I'm starting to think? It goes on and on, this stream of questions. I try to still my mind, think of blankness and silence. At 2:30am, I'm up again. And usually at around 5:30 too, for a while.
I have gone through most of my supply of Ambien, so I've been rationing them out for the nights when I really HAVE to sleep. I don't like the alternative, Excedrin PM, much since it makes me groggy the next morning, but I'm steadily making my way through that bottle as well. I have noticed that I usually seem to have dark circles under my eyes these days.
Without drugs, by the time the alarm clock goes off in the morning, I am exhausted after an unrestful night, more than willing to make an excuse to roll over and skip the morning workout.
This only happens on weeknights, oddly. I guess on the weekends I'm able to push away those nagging voices. Either that or the booze is knocking me out. But no, that's not it either, since I usually sleep through Sunday night, and Sunday isn't usually a big drinking day for me.
I'm not accomplishing what I need to accomplish at work. I will rally, I know, when the pressure is on, but I'm somehow not able to give myself the kick in the butt to bear down and push through it now. I'm going to have some late nights in the weeks ahead.
And here I was, thinking that I was done with the mood swings. Apparently not.
Weight: 175.5
I find myself falling asleep watching television, or zoning out so that what I'm watching doesn't register. When 10:30 rolls around, I'm definitely ready for bed. Even 10 o'clock sometimes, if I'm feeling luxuriously decadent.
But by 12:30, I'm up and wide awake. A zillion things start going through my mind. When am I going to start packing? What exactly should I pack, and what should I leave behind? Will I find time to put up a Christmas tree this year, or would that just be too painful? Why am I obsessed with the Viking? Should I try to get laid this weekend? Am I going to look ridiculous on Halloween? What do I have to accomplish at work tomorrow? How am I going to manage my finances? Is the whole steroid thing as stupid as I'm starting to think? It goes on and on, this stream of questions. I try to still my mind, think of blankness and silence. At 2:30am, I'm up again. And usually at around 5:30 too, for a while.
I have gone through most of my supply of Ambien, so I've been rationing them out for the nights when I really HAVE to sleep. I don't like the alternative, Excedrin PM, much since it makes me groggy the next morning, but I'm steadily making my way through that bottle as well. I have noticed that I usually seem to have dark circles under my eyes these days.
Without drugs, by the time the alarm clock goes off in the morning, I am exhausted after an unrestful night, more than willing to make an excuse to roll over and skip the morning workout.
This only happens on weeknights, oddly. I guess on the weekends I'm able to push away those nagging voices. Either that or the booze is knocking me out. But no, that's not it either, since I usually sleep through Sunday night, and Sunday isn't usually a big drinking day for me.
I'm not accomplishing what I need to accomplish at work. I will rally, I know, when the pressure is on, but I'm somehow not able to give myself the kick in the butt to bear down and push through it now. I'm going to have some late nights in the weeks ahead.
And here I was, thinking that I was done with the mood swings. Apparently not.
Weight: 175.5
posted by M. at 5:33 PM
3 Comments:
I'm with you if you know what I mean. I'm having the exact same problem and my mood swings are getting really bad. I almost couldn't go to work yesterday.
Hang in there. I can't freakin' wait to see this costume of yours!
The mood swings are un...bear..a..ble!
Do you think the sleepless nights will stop once you move?
Someone once told me to do my best every day, but remember that my best will change from day to day based upon other factors in my life, so not to freak out if my best for one day was less than another. I just felt I should type that. I don't know why.
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